Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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