You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
