Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The Olympian is in my bed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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