I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
