gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
