He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
