so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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