Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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