Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
