In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
