thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
