he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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