Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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