I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
