I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
