Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
this hospital has no fireball
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
