Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
as a side note pls kill me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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