The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
