At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
