Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
