matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I could fuck to npr.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
