Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
