All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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