and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
