He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
