OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
