I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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