What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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