and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
