Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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