Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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