Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
