he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
