I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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