she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dear god my vagina.
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