so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
