He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
