he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
