i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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