When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
