i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
