I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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