he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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