white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
