think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
