just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
