Just mADE A PArabola og urine
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
