You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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