You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
