I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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