I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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